As the release of Britney Spears‘ upcoming tell-all memoir, The Woman in Me, gets closer, more details from the long-awaited book are getting revealed.

Earlier this week, People revealed a shocking excerpt of the book in which the pop superstar had an abortion after an accidental pregnancy with then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake. In an extended excerpt from a copy of the memoir obtained by Billboard, Spears goes into more detail. “On the appointed day, with only Felicia and Justin there, I took the little pills,” she said of her abortion process. “Soon I started having excruciating cramps. I went to the bathroom and stayed there for hours, lying on the floor, sobbing and screaming. They should’ve numbed me with something, I thought I wanted some kind of anesthesia. I wanted to go to the doctor. I was so scared. I lay there, wondering if I was going to die.”

She continued, “When I tell you, it was painful — I can’t begin to describe it. The pain was unbelievable. I went down to the ground on my knees, holding the toilet. For a long time, I couldn’t move. To this day, it’s one of the most agonizing things I have ever experienced in my life.
Still, they didn’t take me to the hospital. Came into the bathroom and lay on the floor with me. At some point, [Timbelake] thought maybe music would help, so he got his guitar, and he lay there with me, strumming it. I kept crying and sobbing until it was all over. It took hours, and I don’t remember how it ended, but I do, 20 years later, remember the pain of it, and the fear.”

However, she concluded that she still has love for her ex-boyfriend, who she famously began dating in 1999 until their split in 2002. “After that, I was messed up for a while, especially because I still love Justin so much. It was insane how much I loved him, and for me, it was unfortunate.”

In the earlier excerpt published by People, Spears said that the pregnancy was a “surprise,” even thought she always “expected” to start a family with Timberlake. “But Justin definitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives, that we were way too young,” she wrote, adding, “To this day, it’s one of the most agonizing things I have ever experienced in my life.”

The Woman in Me arrives Oct. 24.