Wednesday Campanella singer Utaha chatted with Billboard Japan for its Women in Music interview series featuring female players in the Japanese entertainment industry. The WIM initiative in Japan launched in 2022 to celebrate artists, producers and executives who have made significant contributions to music and inspired other women through their work. The first 30 interviews in this series were published in Japan as a “Billboard Japan Presents” collection by writer Rio Hirai.

Utaha began her music career under unusual circumstances, joining a successful music project as the second-generation lead singer. The 22-year-old artist is now branching out into other fields as well, such as acting. Her striking, one-of-a-kind look has been her passion since before she debuted as Wednesday Campanella’s new frontwoman. After going through a period of feeling like she couldn’t live “normally,” she decided to first change her appearance to cast off her old self, and this transformation eventually led to major changes in her life as well.

I heard you weren’t thinking of becoming a singer before joining Wednesday Campanella. What do you think you’d be doing otherwise?

Utaha: A designer…maybe? I studied design at an art college, and shortly before Wednesday Campanella, I was looking into internships at design companies. I was also uploading my outfits and the stuff I was thinking about at the time on social media. I was asked to join the group because they saw what I was doing, so I was able to start my current career pretty freely.

So your current hair, makeup, and fashion are extensions of what you were doing before.

Yes, the prototype already existed when I was in high school. I couldn’t adapt to school life very well. I didn’t have an icon or an ideal image of what I wanted to be like, but I wanted to break away from my weak self at the time. I wanted to be strong, so I pierced my lip and buzzed my hair.

I imagine it would take courage to do something different when you’re not feeling strong. Were you trying to generate momentum to change yourself?

There was a period when I never encountered anyone who could help me when things were rough, so I had no choice but to help myself. It was really hard for me to change how I felt because of deeply ingrained values. But I realized that all I needed to do was to take a step forward to change the way I look. After realizing that, I immediately took action.

Until then, what was difficult for you or made you feel you couldn’t adapt?

I’m not sure… I was a really normal kid. There was a time when I tried my best to “live like everyone else,” but that didn’t seem to suit me very well. But because I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing normally, I was able to think about what I could do and improve on that.

What changed when you changed your appearance?

I went to a public high school in Tokyo and TikTok was all the rage. It was normal for everyone to look cute like the girls on TikTok in my school, so there were no other girls who had their hair buzzed and lip pierced. There were some who thought I was weird and expressed that sentiment, but it felt like changing my appearance created a kind of barrier around me. I didn’t become stronger on the inside right away, but it was like I had another skin around my weak self. Eventually, it made me stronger on the inside as well.

After you debuted as Wednesday Campanella, you entered a phase where you were expected to express yourself with more than your hair and makeup. Did you feel uncomfortable about that?

I’d never thought of becoming a musician, so I started out not knowing anything at all, like what would happen when I did something on stage. Plus, I debuted in the midst of the pandemic and there were a lot of restrictions like not being able to speak or raise your arms (during concerts), so we got no reactions and I couldn’t tell what the right answer was. But after about six months, a song [“Edison”] went viral. After that, I had more opportunities to be featured in the media. When you get exposure, people say stuff about you on social media. I almost lost sight of what I really wanted to value, but after going through that period, now I’m able to work without losing sight of myself.

You’re in an unusual position where you took over from a predecessor, but it looks like you’re working with a clear idea of what you want to do. Could you tell us what it is you value to not lose sight of yourself?

Obviously I wondered if people would accept me and felt pressured about that, but once I got started, it turned out people were surprisingly welcoming. After I felt that response, I began to do more and think about my strengths. By accepting myself, that I’m cute the way I am, I want the people who see me perform to think that it’s OK to accept and praise themselves for being cute and amazing. “Value the things you like, but live with respect and consideration for others” is the message I can communicate from the stage, and that’s the strength of what I do.

While diversity is being celebrated these days, it feels like society is becoming more divided and our values becoming more polarized in reality. I can see how a lot of people would be encouraged by the way you value your distinctive style of cuteness in such an environment.

When I look at TikTok and such, it really feels like the ideal of what everyone thinks is cute is becoming more and more standardized. It’s kind of strange that my idea of cute is respected in a society where lookism is still so rampant. Obviously there are people who don’t share my idea of cute, but that’s just a matter of preference so I think if I pursue what I believe in, the people who share my outlook will congregate where I end up.

I’m sure there are people out there who don’t have the courage to do what they believe in like you do. Do you think such people should just give it a try?

I’m in a position to say, “Why don’t you give it a try?” because I actually went through with it and it worked out, but I’m sure there are people who aren’t able to take the plunge because of their environment. Especially if they’re students surrounded by adults who instill rules in their lives, I’m sure many feel it’s hard to take that first step. But when you go out into the world, don’t you think, “What a tiny world I lived in when I was a student”? The world is much bigger than that, so I think you can have more fun searching for freedom if you broaden your perspective. 

Do you think being a woman has affected your career?

It probably has affected me, for better or worse. Nowadays, men are freer to wear skirts and do their nails and such, but I’ve loved makeup and fashion since I was little, so I was glad to be a girl to be able to enjoy those things freely. I used to not like the shape of my body before, but thanks to fashion I’ve come to like it. Ideally, though, I want such discrepancies between men and women to disappear. People are always arguing on social media about how women are like this and men are like that, and I know there’s no easy solution, but I hope there will be less discrimination all around.

Society is gradually changing and I want to think that people in their 20s like you sense things differently and have a more unbiased outlook. Do you think this is the case?

I’m probably surrounded by people who think like I do. I say stuff like, “Let’s look at people as people and not by their genders” and “Don’t call people names based on their looks,” so the ones who discriminate don’t come near me. But when I interact with people who aren’t my fans on social media, there are so many different opinions. It feels like things are changing when I’m just looking around myself, but I’m reminded that when I look at society as a whole, not much progress is being made.

I get the impression that you’re analyzing yourself and society very calmly as you go through life. Do you have ways of coping when you feel down or when you hit a wall?

I don’t think I’ve hit any walls yet, but there are times when I feel down. When that happens, I eat and sleep! [Laughs] You know how there are things you can’t do anything about right away? Like lookism, you can’t change that right away. Although I know there’s nothing I can do even if I keep worrying about it, I feel down sometimes, so I try to eat properly and go to bed before late at night to not be overwhelmed by it all. After 22 years of living, I’ve realized I’m more energetic in the morning than at night.

That’s simple and very good. OK then, what advice would you give yourself when you were just starting out?

I think I was really tense for the first year and a half of my career. I want to say edgier, but just a lot more pointed. I don’t think it was necessarily a bad thing though, and I’m glad I didn’t take in opinions that I couldn’t agree with, so I’d like to tell myself that I’m OK the way I am. I got to where I am today because I struggled and felt conflicted about things in my own way at the time.

–This interview by Rio Hirai first appeared on Billboard Japan